What next?

There aren't a lot of things that have stayed the same this past year but here's two of them: people asking when I'm going to go back to school and that I really don't want to go back to school. 
I've totally brought this upon myself by sharing my aimless musings of the past two years about the possibility going to nursing school or a history PhD program with, well, just about everyone I know but I'm really REALLY sorry about than and can everyone please just forget it now?

I assume that a huge part of this is because I, from time to time, bitch about my job: the pay, the sadness inherent in working in oncology and the frustrations inherent in working with MD's and people in general. That much is mine and I own it because I should stop whining, about my job and in general.  But I suspect that another part of the trouble is that this good job that I enjoy is not anywhere near that for which I went to school. Hell, you can barely make a logical leap from what I did in school to what I do now. If I were teaching right now, would people be asking me when I'm planning to go back to school?  Would they be asking what's next?  While I may be wrong, I honestly think probably not. The job I do now comes with better pay, better time off, probably better benefits and in all likelihood a much higher level of personal satisfaction and enjoyment of my day than teaching would yet it seems that everyone is waiting for my next move.

The thing about school is that I've done it. I've done a lot of school and if may say so myself, I killed it. I get to class on time, take organized notes and, wait for it, actually enjoy writing papers and studying for exams. I know, it's totally sick.  I've done well in school and I've done enough of it that I've come out the other side with three (count 'em) three, degrees. These degrees have worked pretty well for me thus far in that I have a good job that I enjoy, yet for some reason the feeling that I get from the "what's next?" question is that I should be aiming for something, not necessarily more, but different.

When Wes and I first broke up (okay - maybe a few weeks later), I started getting asked "so...what are you going to do now?" I got asked this A LOT and when I say that, I mean, at least once a day on most days. What do you mean, what am I going to do now? I'm going to wake up every morning, feed my cats and go to work. I'm going to keep on living my life, yes - that one that has a giant gaping hole torn through it. My relationship was not a goal and as huge of a loss as that relationship has been, it wasn't the defining feature of my life. I am the defining feature in my life. 
I only mention this because that gut reaction of disbelief I feel when people ask me "what now" post Wes, is very similar to the one I get when people ask me "what now?" in terms of work and possibly going back to school.

I have a good job. It's one that challenges me, pays me sufficiently to render me independent and comfortable, provides me with kick-ass health benefits, leaves me with a sense of worth and satisfaction at the end of each day and as an added bonus, comes complete with a coworkers that I enjoy hugely. Why can't I just be working and living my life right now? Must there always be plan for what comes next? And in the absence of a plan (because what comes next will probably happen whether you plan for it or not) why is more school the default option?

In the near future there will be decisions to make and what-nexts to figure out but what happened to just enjoying the living part of life? That part of life with free time to read, where sleep deprivation is a thing of the past and re-emergence of sleep deprivationis so far in the future that you can't see it yet.   Where you work really hard each day and spend time with friends who make you laugh and who are there for hugs when you need them.  Where extra cash can be spent traveling and going to concerts, and extra time can be spent learning how to cook delicious food.  I'm not sure where the idea of this has gone but it is where I live right now.

Going back to school won't fill in the gaps in my life right now, it'll just give me homework.