Not sure why I love it so much, just do.
Friday, December 30, 2011
C2C - F-U-Y-A
Sometimes I'm SO JEALOUS of the creativity that people have all but pouring out of their eye balls. People like Bridget Kearney, my brothers-from-another-mother Sami and Sharif and whoever made this video:
C2C - F·U·Y·A from On and On on Vimeo.
Don't let a sting slow you down
Sometimes I feel like I don't know much, most of the rest of the time I'm pretty sure that I haven't got a clue of how this madcap life is supposed to be going. Occasionally though, I stumble upon something that appears to be a gem of reality, even when, like this one, it's completely stolen from someone smarter than me (thanks Mama!) Life changes constantly and sometimes it changes really fast.
Life has changed a lot of the past few months and nothing quite calls attention to how life has changed than the holidays. A lot of people were worried about how I would feel this Christmas without Wes. I am proud to say that I more than survived Christmas this year, I positively enjoyed it. I had a wonderful time with my family, received far more thoughtful gifts than I could possibly deserve, created a reading nest with an electric blankie and overall was surrounded by love which is really all one can hope for in life.
Christmas was lovely but I have in fact been dreading New Years Eve. Actually, I dread New Years every year so this isn't new or a product of singleness. New Years Eve is this one night every year that gets heaped in the expectations of being THE BEST NIGHT EVER! I have to honestly say though I've never had a New Years Eve that lived up to the hype, because once people start realizing that it's not really going to the "best night ever!" we just up the drinking and by morning don't even remember that it wasn't anything to write home about. Awesome right? Some of the best New Years Eve's I've ever had have been low key, with people I enjoy and didn't in epic hangovers the next day. Actually, now that I write it out that's probably my formula for all good nights: low key, vomit free and with people I adore.
I know, I sound like a Scrooge and okay, maybe I'm being a little bit Scroogie at the moment. You see all of my old friends (and I use the term 'old' not necessarily as former but as indication of that group of people that I hung out with when I was one half of a couple) are going out to St. Augustine to ring in the new year. I wasn't really invited to this. I found out about it on Facebook a few weeks ago and I have to admit, that stung a little. Granted, I've been asked by a few people over the past couple weeks if I will be coming out to St. Augustine with them which I suppose is an invite in itself but you know, it's just not.
Life changed. Life changed fast.
The good news in all of this is that while this changed life may occasionally sting, the change its self is often for the better. I found that I have friends who invite me for me and not just through the person I may or may not be dating. This year, instead of going along on the drunken quest for THE BEST NIGHT EVER, I'll be wearing a funny hat (it's that or a dress and heels and we all know that silly hat trumps pointy shoes every time) with people that I adore and sipping good champagne that won't make me want to die in the morning.
The other thing that I think I might know now? Don't let a sting slow you down.
Life has changed a lot of the past few months and nothing quite calls attention to how life has changed than the holidays. A lot of people were worried about how I would feel this Christmas without Wes. I am proud to say that I more than survived Christmas this year, I positively enjoyed it. I had a wonderful time with my family, received far more thoughtful gifts than I could possibly deserve, created a reading nest with an electric blankie and overall was surrounded by love which is really all one can hope for in life.
Christmas was lovely but I have in fact been dreading New Years Eve. Actually, I dread New Years every year so this isn't new or a product of singleness. New Years Eve is this one night every year that gets heaped in the expectations of being THE BEST NIGHT EVER! I have to honestly say though I've never had a New Years Eve that lived up to the hype, because once people start realizing that it's not really going to the "best night ever!" we just up the drinking and by morning don't even remember that it wasn't anything to write home about. Awesome right? Some of the best New Years Eve's I've ever had have been low key, with people I enjoy and didn't in epic hangovers the next day. Actually, now that I write it out that's probably my formula for all good nights: low key, vomit free and with people I adore.
I know, I sound like a Scrooge and okay, maybe I'm being a little bit Scroogie at the moment. You see all of my old friends (and I use the term 'old' not necessarily as former but as indication of that group of people that I hung out with when I was one half of a couple) are going out to St. Augustine to ring in the new year. I wasn't really invited to this. I found out about it on Facebook a few weeks ago and I have to admit, that stung a little. Granted, I've been asked by a few people over the past couple weeks if I will be coming out to St. Augustine with them which I suppose is an invite in itself but you know, it's just not.
Life changed. Life changed fast.
The good news in all of this is that while this changed life may occasionally sting, the change its self is often for the better. I found that I have friends who invite me for me and not just through the person I may or may not be dating. This year, instead of going along on the drunken quest for THE BEST NIGHT EVER, I'll be wearing a funny hat (it's that or a dress and heels and we all know that silly hat trumps pointy shoes every time) with people that I adore and sipping good champagne that won't make me want to die in the morning.
The other thing that I think I might know now? Don't let a sting slow you down.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
The Minnesota for Christmas we go!
Our traditional Chili's-to-Go bar hop on the way to Christmas always yields more than few laughts and sometimes, when we're luck a few gems.
Despite Erica's most fervent wishes and snow-dances, we traveled to the great north just in time for one of the warmest Christmas' on record and Erica did not in fact get to see "giant fucking snow flakes falling from the goddamned sky."
Despite Erica's most fervent wishes and snow-dances, we traveled to the great north just in time for one of the warmest Christmas' on record and Erica did not in fact get to see "giant fucking snow flakes falling from the goddamned sky."
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| December 23, 2011 |
More Mur-Monster
Blurry, but since I'm really seeming to come into my own as a crazy, knitting cat lady...isn't he just stinkin' cute!
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| December 20, 2011 |
Welcome, guests who bake cookies
One of the very many perks of having a guest room is company, especially when that company is Jen baking cookies. This particular batch wasn't an immediate success but rest assured, she pulled it out.
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| December 19, 2011 |
Pistachio, what a lovely, under appreciated color
A few months ago, with a quick refresher from Andrea, a book and a lot of a help from YouTube I learned to knit. Three months, an ungodly number of hours on my couch and strangely large amount of money spent on yarn, I have a finished product.
One, hand-made, pistachio scarf:
This shit is like making your own vanilla, you think that it's going to a cost saving kind of endeavor only to discover that one vanilla bean is $15. One might be better off just drinking the vodka.
One, hand-made, pistachio scarf:
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| December 18, 2011 |
Christmas Parties are only fun when there is dancing!
There seemed to be an excessive amount of holiday party-age this year. I went to three, count 'em three work Christmas parties. Thankfully, of these three holiday gatherings all three of them had dancing. I am a pretty reliable employee (if I do say so myself) but dancing, well that's where I really shine.
Heme/Onc Christmas party numero uno there was shaboogieing that would shame, well, pretty much anyone. Thankfully there don't seem to be many pictures of said shenanigans but if anyone has a picture of the congo line that I started (see how coyly I just dropped that in there? Because yep, I started that rockin' congo line) I'd love to see it.
Party number two had...wait for it...competitive dancing.
Heme/Onc Christmas party numero uno there was shaboogieing that would shame, well, pretty much anyone. Thankfully there don't seem to be many pictures of said shenanigans but if anyone has a picture of the congo line that I started (see how coyly I just dropped that in there? Because yep, I started that rockin' congo line) I'd love to see it.
Party number two had...wait for it...competitive dancing.
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| December 16, 2011 |
It was a delightful game of Jingle Booty, Anna vs. Nurse Leslie edition. I'm not sure there was actually a winner but it was uh-mazing. Pretty much the only party game I've ever enjoyed though and given how many faux-baby poops I sniffed and bridal bingos I've played, that's saying A LOT.
I might have felt embarrassed by this show of jingle bootying but any twinge remotely akin to embarrassment was wiped away the following evening at holiday festivity number three.
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| December 17, 2011 |
That's right, that's the running man and a damn fine running man it was. I actually find myself insanely jealous of Amy's running man, I will clearly be practicing this year in anticipation of next years dance offs.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Holiday Spirits
Can also be referred to as vodka drunk in the presence of friends and twinkle lights :)
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| December 15, 2011 |
Holidays in the Orifice: Part V
In the spirit of the holidays, we decided to share our cookie exchange booty with our inpatient and outpatient counterparts. Tis the season for sharing...and bribary for good will and speedy blood draws in the new year.
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| December 14, 2011 |
The Lily-Pad comes to work
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| December 13, 2011 |
Friday, December 16, 2011
Holidays in the Orifice: Part IV
It's cookie exchange time!
John: how many fucking dozen?
Me: yikes...6 1/2. do you want to die?
John: yes... just kidding...but seriously
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| December 12, 2011 |
John: how many fucking dozen?
Me: yikes...6 1/2. do you want to die?
John: yes... just kidding...but seriously
trying something new...
"To have something that you have never had, you have to do something that you have never done."
There have been a lot of serious changes in my life this year, some have been happy but most of them have been...well, honestly a lot of them have been gut-wrenching and tearful. I can't complain though because that's part of life, part of being a grown ass woman means that I have to participate in my own life even when I'd rather curl up and hibernate for several months. But there's always sunshine after rain, even if you have to chase that sunshine down in car on the highway. It was time for a change less serious in nature.
My friend / hairdresser Nicole posted the following status on her Facebook a few weeks ago:
My gut said "yes please!" so, after confirming that mullets were off the table so far as style options went, I went for it.
Before:
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| December 11, 2011 |
Best. Idea. Ever.
Four hours and about...oh three pound of hair later, I have a new 'do. It's nothing I would have ever thought to ask for (or truth be told, even considered if it was presented to me as an option) but I like it! It's shorter than I've ever gone and I'm still not convinced that it doesn't accentuate my schnoozola but you know what? It's hair, it's even (dare I say) good hair that will grow back over the next few months. It's different and different, it what I needed.
After:
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| December 11, 2011 |
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Holidays in the Orifice: Part III
BMTU Research represented this year at the Heme/Onc, Cancer Center holiday shindig.
It was at this par-tay that I managed to cross off an item from my never-even-thought-to-put-it-on-the-bucket-list list: start a conga line. A VERY successful conga line if I do say so myself.
It was at this par-tay that I managed to cross off an item from my never-even-thought-to-put-it-on-the-bucket-list list: start a conga line. A VERY successful conga line if I do say so myself.
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| December 10, 2011 |
Monday, December 12, 2011
Holiday's in the Orifice, Part Deux
Zach's first Christmas in the office:
"Look guys! Snow!! I'm making it snow!"
"Look guys! Snow!! I'm making it snow!"
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| December 9, 2011 |
Holidays in the Orifice: Part 1
John and I decided that we definitely needed a little Christmas cheer at work this year. The Christmas music started the Monday after Thanksgiving but it took a week or so for us to get our lights and snowflakes up.
But something's missing...
Now that's better!
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| December 5, 2011 |
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| December 6, 2011 |
Damn house elves
After breakfast last Sunday morning, after Monica returned to Tampa to watch the Steelers game in the comfort of her local bar and Erica returned to Casa de Blake, I packaged up some grape leaves and baklava for Meredith and Rob. After wrapping the food up I walked away, found some shoes and on the way back to the kitchen decided that I hadn't put enough grape leaves in the tupperware. I opened the fridge to get more grape leaves out but...the grape leaf container isn't there.
I shut the fridge door and checked the counters...no grape leaves.
Puzzled now, I walk back to the bedroom wondering if its possible that I brought it back there with me. It'd be weird but not necessarily out of the scope of possibility but nope, no grape leaves.
Back to the kitchen where I double check the fridge, freezer and counters. No grape leaves.
Odd and a little concerning, I turned a slow circle in the middle of the kitchen making sure I hadn't over looked it. This is something that Wes used to do, hide things thing when I'd turn my back. Knives, food, hair ties, pictures, cell phones, books, glasses of water would disappear when I turned away and by the time I turned back Wes would be about two feet away looking nonchalant and unconcerned. It would ALWAYS turn out to be him though. Always. But Wes isn't here. So where are my grape leaves?
Perhaps I've lost my mind, or equally as likely maybe I have a meddling ghost/intruder who likes stuffed grape leaves.
I open the fridge again just to triple check that they aren't there. They aren't. So I start wandering around the house, checking spare rooms just to make absolutely sure that nobody is here. I admit, I even called out a tentative..."Wes?" just on the bizarre off chance that I've dreamt the past few months and he's there hiding behind the counter with the dish of grape leaves giggling as I rack my brain for what I've done with them.
Still puzzled and more than a little weirded out, I open the cabinet to grab a lid for the tupperware container and:
I shut the fridge door and checked the counters...no grape leaves.
Puzzled now, I walk back to the bedroom wondering if its possible that I brought it back there with me. It'd be weird but not necessarily out of the scope of possibility but nope, no grape leaves.
Back to the kitchen where I double check the fridge, freezer and counters. No grape leaves.
Odd and a little concerning, I turned a slow circle in the middle of the kitchen making sure I hadn't over looked it. This is something that Wes used to do, hide things thing when I'd turn my back. Knives, food, hair ties, pictures, cell phones, books, glasses of water would disappear when I turned away and by the time I turned back Wes would be about two feet away looking nonchalant and unconcerned. It would ALWAYS turn out to be him though. Always. But Wes isn't here. So where are my grape leaves?
Perhaps I've lost my mind, or equally as likely maybe I have a meddling ghost/intruder who likes stuffed grape leaves.
I open the fridge again just to triple check that they aren't there. They aren't. So I start wandering around the house, checking spare rooms just to make absolutely sure that nobody is here. I admit, I even called out a tentative..."Wes?" just on the bizarre off chance that I've dreamt the past few months and he's there hiding behind the counter with the dish of grape leaves giggling as I rack my brain for what I've done with them.
Still puzzled and more than a little weirded out, I open the cabinet to grab a lid for the tupperware container and:
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| December 4, 2011 |
Damn house elves, they're always putting stuff away in the wrong place.
StarWars has all the answers
"So Han's walking down the halls of Bespin with his old friend Lando. Leia's there, and lookin' good. Han thinks he's off to dinner - maybe some wine, a little flirting and then back to the ol' guest quarters with Her Hotness.
But the door opens, and there's Darth Vader.
Han doesn't look incredulously at Lando; he doesn't duck or run away.
What does Han do?
He starts shooting at the motherfucker. He just starts shooting.
Be like Han."
Star Wars. It might, in fact, have ALL of the answers.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Operation Baklava
Last year I learned how to make pirogi. This year, under the expert tutelage of Monica, Erica and I learned how to make baklava and stuffed grape leaves.
It was a gray and dreary afternoon that we filled with Christmas carols, vodka drinks and fun. It only could have been made better if Mama could have been here but we can't always have it all, now can we?
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| December 3, 2011 |
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Why Fark has a Florida tag
Possibly THE WORST idea I've ever seen put into action.
Shockingly, it didn't work. About ten feet later the rope came unknotted leaving the red truck stranded in the middle of the parking lot.
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| December 2, 2011 |
Seat back
I thought that living alone would negate the necessity of ever calling "Quack Quack seat back."
I was wrong.
I was wrong.
A Multicultural Christmas
Ever since Meredith and I made our multicultural holiday trees a few years ago, I've wanted a menorah. I never got one because I was always afraid that it would be seen as offensive in some way.
This year though, I decided to go for it. I like Menorah's. I like the story behind them, I like the tradition and I think that they're pretty and festive. I'm sure that someone out there will find this offensive but, you know, I'm not particularly Christian either and yet I put up a tree and Christmas lights each year. I've yet to find anyone offended by that (well, so far. That might change since I've now admitted to only being culturally Christian.) So why not? This is my holiday season and to go with my tree, I've decided to also have a menorah.
In accordance with tradition, the first candle will be lit on the twentieth.
This year though, I decided to go for it. I like Menorah's. I like the story behind them, I like the tradition and I think that they're pretty and festive. I'm sure that someone out there will find this offensive but, you know, I'm not particularly Christian either and yet I put up a tree and Christmas lights each year. I've yet to find anyone offended by that (well, so far. That might change since I've now admitted to only being culturally Christian.) So why not? This is my holiday season and to go with my tree, I've decided to also have a menorah.
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| November 29, 2011 |
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Elf on the Shelf
I find myself more than a little enamored with the idea of the Elf on the Shelf this year. Maybe it's because it's Chrismas-y and I love all things Christmas-y. Except for those giant inflatable dioramas and snow globes. I hate those. Maybe it's because new ideas for Elf mischief have been all over Pinterest this year. I dunno.
Elf on the Shelf apparently started with children's book and has become something of a Christmas mainstay for my friends with Santa-aged munchkins. Essentially, an elf moves into your house from Thanksgiving to Christmas each year to observe the munchkins and report back to Santa whether they're being naughty or nice. Essentially, when Mommy or Daddy aren't watching...the elf still is. The fun comes in that his Elf magically moves around each night while everyone is sleeping and each morning there's some kind of evidence of the mischief he's been up to. Truth be told, the thought of coming out of my room as a kid and finding the Elf mid-Chutes and Ladders with Teddy, Alice and Tubby?! Hello awesomeness!
This year, I volunteered to create a Christmas Passport for Nurse Leslie's oldest munchkin Donovan.
Signed, sealed and delivered.
Merry Christmas :)
Elf on the Shelf apparently started with children's book and has become something of a Christmas mainstay for my friends with Santa-aged munchkins. Essentially, an elf moves into your house from Thanksgiving to Christmas each year to observe the munchkins and report back to Santa whether they're being naughty or nice. Essentially, when Mommy or Daddy aren't watching...the elf still is. The fun comes in that his Elf magically moves around each night while everyone is sleeping and each morning there's some kind of evidence of the mischief he's been up to. Truth be told, the thought of coming out of my room as a kid and finding the Elf mid-Chutes and Ladders with Teddy, Alice and Tubby?! Hello awesomeness!
This year, I volunteered to create a Christmas Passport for Nurse Leslie's oldest munchkin Donovan.
The Christmas Passport contains all sorts of important information including the possessors demographics, pictures, address and preferred method for Santa to deliver the loot! In this case: the front door.
Each day he'll get a stamp for being either naughty or nice and be asked to draw a picture or write down something that he's grateful to already have.
Then every night while he's sleeping, the Christmas Elf (or Reindeer as is the case here) will take the passport through the magic portal so that Santa can review the information. Just in case there was confusion, Santa made sure to send a letter explaining this new process in details.
Signed, sealed and delivered.
Merry Christmas :)
Saturday, December 3, 2011
A reason to be grateful
I feel like I should knock on wood before I say this but it is the season for gratitude and so here I go: I love what I do. I don't always love my job and there are certainly days that playing hookie and going to the beach sounds uhh-mazing but at the end of the day, I love what I my job lets me do. I fell blindly into it over four years ago, just short of kicking and screaming, yet it seems to have fallen on the "disproportionately fortuitous accidents" life list. The people that I have met, the opportunities that I've been given and the things that I've learned have exceeded every expectation that I had when I got here.
It's not your average job (and by average, I mean one the people tell you about when you're in school: lawyer, doctor, teacher etc.) and there's nothing in my education or life before coming here that would logically lead to this job, so I shouldn't be surprised when people really don't know what I do. I certainly didn't know what it was all about even when I took the job, and yet I am surprised. I am surprised that people so close to me, who know so much about me, don't know or understand this part of my life that is so important and such a huge part of who I am. The only explanation that I can think of for this is that I haven't told them. I don't know where along the way I decided that my vague "clinical research" answer to the question of what do do would result in people understanding what I do each day but I guess I did. I also don't often blog about it very often, partially because there's a lot of confidentiality issues to be careful of and mostly because while getting fired for her blog worked out pretty well for Dooce, I suspect that it might not be quite so propitious for me.
Still, if I want people to know what I do and (more importantly) why it's important to me, I'm going to have to start talking / typing. While getting fired isn't on my list of things to do, I think the following story is relatively safe and, at least to me, speaks to the heart of what I do. Seems like a good a place as any to start.
.....
I was standing in a patient room the other day with one of my favorite attending physicians (since our office has already nicknamed him thus, we shall call him Pinky) and the patient asked him why he got into the research side of cancer treatment. His answer:
"I think how we treat these diseases is barbaric and I wanted to find a better way."
Now, that's NOT why I got into this area (I really just needed a job) but it IS why I've stayed.
Since I took this job, I've heard many times over, from people both close to me and not so close at all, that they disapprove of clinical research. They disapprove of the pharmaceutical companies and somehow by association, the role that I play in helping them to develop their drugs. I've been told that what I do it paramount to torturing people, that these companies hold the cures for cancer in the labs but don't use them because there's no money in a cure. I've been told that clinical research is "crap." I respectfully disagree.
While I can't speak for the huge pharmaceutical conglomerates and the thousands upon thousands of people they employ, I can say that the people that I've met: the physicians heading the trials, the study teams who put together the thousands of little pieces necessary to make a large scale trial run efficiently and meaningfully, the coordinators who pull it all together at the patient level and the patients who so generously enroll, we're all here in the hopes of finding a better way. And we're not doing it by turning our Facebook pictures pink, green or orange for a day. We're not spamming our friends and family with chain emails about how many lives cancer took last year and isn't a shame. We show up every day and we work. We work on some exciting things, we work on many mundane things, we work on ideas made reality by people far smarter than ourselves. I'm not a doctor and I'm not a nurse but my piece of the puzzle is important, it has value and it's worth doing.
So as I stood in this patients room listening to Pinky all I could think was "yeah...yeah, that IS what I'm a part of and I'm proud of it dammit!"
How cool is it that I get to do this? That I get to be part of finding the better way? Damn cool and damn lucky if I can say so myself. :-)
Since I took this job, I've heard many times over, from people both close to me and not so close at all, that they disapprove of clinical research. They disapprove of the pharmaceutical companies and somehow by association, the role that I play in helping them to develop their drugs. I've been told that what I do it paramount to torturing people, that these companies hold the cures for cancer in the labs but don't use them because there's no money in a cure. I've been told that clinical research is "crap." I respectfully disagree.
While I can't speak for the huge pharmaceutical conglomerates and the thousands upon thousands of people they employ, I can say that the people that I've met: the physicians heading the trials, the study teams who put together the thousands of little pieces necessary to make a large scale trial run efficiently and meaningfully, the coordinators who pull it all together at the patient level and the patients who so generously enroll, we're all here in the hopes of finding a better way. And we're not doing it by turning our Facebook pictures pink, green or orange for a day. We're not spamming our friends and family with chain emails about how many lives cancer took last year and isn't a shame. We show up every day and we work. We work on some exciting things, we work on many mundane things, we work on ideas made reality by people far smarter than ourselves. I'm not a doctor and I'm not a nurse but my piece of the puzzle is important, it has value and it's worth doing.
So as I stood in this patients room listening to Pinky all I could think was "yeah...yeah, that IS what I'm a part of and I'm proud of it dammit!"
How cool is it that I get to do this? That I get to be part of finding the better way? Damn cool and damn lucky if I can say so myself. :-)
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