Bitches Love Company

Me: I think that we've reached our zenith if unlikeable-ness...nobody want to sit near us.

...insert about ten seconds of thoughtful contemplation...

in unison with SiltOut: "I'm okay with that."

YOLO...or not

"Nursing is like, the worst place to YOLO ever."

- The Republican Retriever 

When in doubt, choose ABC

One of the biggest things that they've hammered into our head over the last 8 months of nursing school is the importance of the ABCs: airway, breathing and circulation.  Everyone has heard the multiple choice adage of: when in doubt choose C.  In nursing school, it's more along the lines of: when in doubt, choose to assess the ABCs. 


That being said, sage nursing advice of the day:

"If they're screaming at least you know they are getting air... you've got time..."

Things that Happen In Nursing School: Foot Fetishes

"I mean, I don't love feet.  I don't want them near my face or like, a big toe in my mouth, but usually if the feet are pretty - the person is pretty. It's just a general truth "



- Carnivorous Panda Friend

....

"Well, that just makes me feel sad because my feet are ugly." 

- SiltOut

Things that happen in nursing school: Little People

This is how you know that the lecturing professor is not from pediatrics:


Non-Peds professor:  Can someone tell me. what are the blood administration guidelines for little people...that is those who are less than adults?


Student:  Do you mean children? 


Non-Peds professor:  Yes, children.

Shit my roommates day: One Direction 4 Life

Girl Roomie:  Hey, can you put music on my iPod?


Guy Roomie: My only concern is that it's only the music I've bought in the last 6 months, which is 30 One Direction songs.

Shit My Roommates Say

"I was going to go to the gym but instead I just ate a gallon of soup and some cookies.  And now I feel kinda sick but I'm going to finish these cookies anyways."

- Guy Roomie 

Quote of the Day: F. Scott Fitzgerald Edition

In the course of packing, I found a bunch of old books today, and when I say "a bunch"  I mean boxes and boxes.  Way too many boxes.  (Friends of the Library, here I come!)  It's entirely contradictory to efficient packing but  I couldn't help but flip through a few of my old favorites and found this little gem highlighted in my copy of F. Scott Fitzgerald's This Side of Paradise:

“They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.”

 

 

Anna’s Top 3 Worst Online Openers of All Time*

Some situations in life are just inherently uncomfortable.

 Say “yes sir” to a ma’am on the phone.  Oops.

 Introducing yourself to someone…for the third time.  There’s nothing quite like that quietly irritated “we’ve met before” to make me squirm. 

 And then there’s writing a blind email to someone whose profile you saw on an online dating site which in my opinion,  re-writes the book on uncomfortable.

The initial “what’s up” email requires you to cautiously express interest while simultaneously conveying your hardcore awesomeness to a complete stranger.  It helps to be funny, or witty, or both and you have to do it in no more than five sentences.   To helpfully add to the challenge and discomfort as you try to compose this tidy little manifesto, the site chimes in occasionally with helpful little tips like: “your future match is 72% more likely to respond if you don’t use emoticons!”  (And while I’m on that train of thought: eff-that!   I’m an over-emoticon-er and it’s best that people know that up front.)

 My point is that writing an opening email is wicked awkward.  Some people are better than others, most of us do our best, and then there are those certain few rock stars who just close their eyes and swing for the fences.   Most of them get a little leeway just for the effort but from time to time, some are just down right spectacular in their horribleness and so in reverse order I bring you: 

Anna’s Top 3 Worst Online Openers of All Time*

 
#3: dunno wut to say.  Chat?,, text my cell: three5 2, 77six seventeen 2 six. (numbers have been changed .)

Wait…what does this even mean?  And who writes a phone number like that?

#2:  I may not be Fred Flintsone but I bet I can still make your Bedrock.  Email if interested.

Two things, first: Ew.  Second – did you just quote Young Money at me?

 

#1: Knock, knock, knock.  Is the sweet princess home?

As much as I wish that I were kidding on this one…I’m not.  I don’t think I could have made it up if I tried.  Some poor, unfortunate gentleman caller actually tried this, which in turn required me to call upon all of my self-control to keep from vomiting on my laptop.  The fact that this even got thrown down in writing begs the question: has this particular brand of patronizing, infantile nonsense work for him before? 

 

*And by "of all time" I mean the 6 months that I spent on Match.com

 

 

 

The rant I'm too frustrated not to post today

Bye bye love, I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator

and the rearview mirror torn off

I ain't never lookin' back and that's a fact

 - JoDee Messina 

I love the morning light in my parent’s house.  Admittedly I don’t see it all that often; I’m up quite a bit before the sun on weekdays and it takes a lot more than pretty light to pry me out of bed before sunrise on the weekends these days. But that’s neither here nor there.   All of the living areas and most of the windows in the house face west, and so the morning light in the family room is clear, diffuse and greenish-blue. I think that it’s the trees.

It's my last weekend in the house and I got up early this morning to lay on the couch with a cup of coffee while the sun came up.  I will miss the windows and the trees, especially early in the mornings.  It’s okay though because I know that I’ll  get to see it again.

I am excited to move; to quote my Mama: forward ever, backwards never.  And there’s so much going forward that I am excited for: to live with my Meredith again (let’s hope that we don’t drive John nuts), to be closer to school and to have roomies again.  I have loved (loved!) living alone but I’ll admit that it probably won't hurt for me to have just a little bit less solitude in my life.  It also doesn’t hurt that future roomies are both gigantic smartie pants’, can you say free homework help? J

Still, as I start packing and getting ready for the move I can’t help but remember moving in. There’s a certain amount of sadness in it, there always is when dealing with extinct dreams.  I am relieved though to find that there's only a little bit of sadness, I finished mourning the death of the hopes and dreams went with that relationship a long time ago.  The more I pack, the more I find that while I am not sad, I am pissed.  My Mama has always been pretty strongly opposed to that word.  Adverse enough that I’ve spent the last twenty minutes trying to come up with less vulgar, equally as accurate word and I have failed.  I can’t avoid it: I am pissed.  

It doesn’t escape me though that when he packed up and went away, I was here helping him.  I made it easy for him to leave yet here I am, packing and dealing with the things that he left behind. What's left behind you ask? Almost every single gift I gave him over our five year relationship.  Nothing quite like packing to know exactly what was left.  I get not wanting to keep things but have the decency to take it with you and dispose of it yourself.  

More than anything though, I’m pissed that I wasn’t smart enough to charge him rent.



 

QotD: true story

I don't like studying.  I hate studying.  But I love learning, learning is beautiful. 

- Natalie Portman

 

Such a true story. 

Quote of Day: Art

Lately, the idea of uniting artistry with science has been my jam.  Not really in the arts in medicine kind of way where you stand in the hallways playing a lute and bringing colored pencils to the hospitalized masses; there's definite benefits to this but it's not what I'm all about. 

I've always been a liberal arts kind of girl but in recent years I've spent more time with science.  I love it exactly for it's science-y-ness but I can't help but see the art and beaty within it as well.  Probably why I love this quote so much...it's what's getting me through this week though, as a reminder of why I started down this path in the first place.

"Nursing is both scientific and artistic.  I seek to combine science with humanism…Nursing is a therapeutic interpersonal process…Nursing is a scientific discipline that derives…its practice base from scientific research”

Adventures in Speed Dating

It was one of those days when I was "busy" in the way that only someone standing around watching other people doing stuff can be. I've never really understood why they like me to stand there and watch them infuse drug. I mean, I can tell you the drug infuses at a rate of 480 with set volume of 50 (and now that I write that I'm not even sure that is accurate) but I can't tell you what that means, how it was calculated or why it's right. Yet they want me standing there all day "just in case." If there's a grammatical emergency I can help you, anaphylaxis or malignant hypertension, not so much. It's why I'm going to nursing school, but that's neither here nor there.

So anyways, there I was, busy watching other people be busy when a nurse on the unit, we'll call her Lori (mostly because her name is Lori) asked if I wanted to go speed dating. Now before you start judging let's clear up two things: the event would be free for me to attend and the day before I had found out that my ex-boyfriend was legit dating someone new. So stop judging.  However, in the very least I did  learn a few things:

Lesson #1: Couples and Married people think that Speed Dating "sounds like fun.

It’s kind of like how camping sounds like a hoot until you do it in Florida in July.  I do appreciate though that when I call them and say “I’m going speed dating!” they find a way to put a positive spin on it. They are very good friends. So while tomorrow I may try to convince you that I'm living Sex in the City, Gainesville Edition, there’s no question in my mind: love that person sleeping next to you and appreciate that you came home to them instead of going out speed dating.

Lesson #2: I am the asshole 29 year old who went to the 35 to 45 year old speed-dating group.

I found myself guiltily telling a series of lies, each one more egregious than the next, in order to atone for this.  Are you really thirty-seven?  I WORE SUNCREEN BITCHES!! I TAKE EXCELLENT CARE OF MY SKIN. It's  not exactly an unforgivable transgression, and I can always take some comfort in knowing that in fifteen or twenty years I'll be the 44 year old woman at her third round of speed dating thinking "that bitch is SO not 37." And I'll be right. It’ll serve me right for my assholetry.

Lesson #3: Going to the wrong age group means you meet people who are waaay too old for you.

Duh right?  Still, there was one guy who was marginally nice. He was charming(ish), good looking and had the ability to hold a reasonably entertaining 5 minute conversation. (It’s deceptively difficult.) Yeeeahhhh…his daughter is only three years younger than me. So there I was in the wrong age group and wondering if I can put a comment in my "no thank you" box that says "you aren’t repulsive but I'm a dick who came to the wrong age group and you could have begotten me with your first wife."  I went instead with a classic no thank you, it just seemed simpler.  

 Lesson #4:  Speed Dating is like a goddamn firing range.

 5 minute conversations, over and over, and over…and over again. Delivering the same less than cleaver platitudes: I got my master’s degree in secondary education because I thought I wanted to teach...until I started teaching!  Or, “wow, working with" cancer patients must be tough?"  "You know, it’s like any other job, good days and bad days."  After fifteen or twenty of these you can only wish that you were on the business end of a firing range.

Lesson #5: Ain’t nobody got time for this shit.

Free or not, chances are it won’t be happening again.

The Nurse Boom and Banana Farewell Tour

Nurse Boom and I went down to Orlando about a month ago for a weekend at the Annual ACRP (Association for Clinical Research Professionals) to get our learn on.  While not intentionally planned as such, it was a well-timed farewell hoo-rah as we've been conference going buddies for almost five years now.  Much like I already miss seeing her face every morning, I will miss the funsies of going to conferences together. 

Okay, so it's not a picture from the conference but still: Boom and Banana!



Before I get to telling you all about the impressive swag that we acquired there (and it's worth waiting for, I promise), we went to a keynote speech by Charles Sabine, a news reporter turned Huntington's Disease advocate.  His speech was, for lack of a better word, outstanding and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.  Mr. Sabine's family has been ravaged by Huntington's Disease, a hereditary disease that causes nerve cells within the brain to degenerate, resulting in debilitating physical deterioration and dementia.   It's a terrible disease for which we currently have no preventative or curative intervention.  Mr. Sabine has watched his father and uncle deteriorate and die from it, he is currently watching his brother deteriorate rapidly and he himself will someday soon begin to experience its symptoms and inexorable decline.  It is an area in which clinical research is much needed, hence why he was in Orlando talking to us.

If I related to you all of the things that he said (which are continuing to resonate even now), we would be here all day.  I'll spare you and just throw out there that which struck me as the most powerful:  the complete uselessness of defining a disease as incurable.  (The following is essentially a paraphrase of his speech this morning, a thing that I think he might be okay with if only because it might make 18 more people in the world a little bit more aware of this terrible disease.) Most illnesses and conditions that affect us are incurable: the common cold, influenza, depression, chronic cancers, heartbreak.  We cannot cure these things but rather, we’ve learned to ameliorate their effects, to minimize the lasting impact that they have on our lives.  Beginning a person’s experience with this disease by telling them that it is incurable does them a great disservice, it removes their hope.  Hope is what pulls us through the darkness, it what makes us look for something better and it’s what all research is built upon.

It's just a thought.  A thought that makes me proud of the very small part I got to play in heme-malignancies research over the past five years.  Thanks Universe. 

Now on to the swag!



ACRP swag 2013

That's a grand total of four bags, two t-shirts, three stuffed animals, two coffee mugs, two water bottles, a calculator, six pads of post-its, a medical dictionary, a calculator, three mini bottles of cetaphil body lotion, four pen sized hand sanitizer dispensers, three car iPhone charger, a desk iPhone holder, luggage handle, a ruler, a snap bracelet and five squeezy "work missile" balls.  Impressive huh? 

We also did some old-school Tebowing;



and even made some research-y friends:

 

So far as farewell tours go...it was pretty darn awesome.  I love you Nurse Boom! 



Ever wonder what $30 cat treats look like?

A couple weeks ago Murry staged yet another Great Esk-ah-PAY!

Around three in the morning after the Great Financial Aid Meltdown,  I woke up to the distinct: ka-thump, ka-thunk, MEROOWWW of a liberated cat.  Stumbling out of bed, I was fairly certain of what had gone done and when I turned on the kitchen life my suspicions were confirmed: while participating in overly-exuberant communications with a local ruffian (I'm pretty sure Mom jokes were slung and my honor was impinged) Murry knocked out a window screen and cavorted off into the cold, dark morning to defend my reputation. 

What. A. Dick.

What?  Did you want to read your homework?

 

I went outside to knock the screen back in (we can't bet letting Joe Lewis out or nocturnal Florida wanderers in) and after doing so,  stood around calling his name and shaking a bag of treats in the hopes that I could bribe him home from his adventures.  Then I realized that I was standing in my backyard at three in the morning in my underpants calling my cat to come home.  This may in fact be an all-time low for me, which if you’ve been around the last few months you’ll know, that’s saying something.  However in my experience, early morning all-time lows are just the universe’s way of saying: GO BACK TO BED. 

So back to bed I went and not surprisingly, Murry made his way home all by his onesies about three hours later.  Tuckered out and inordinately sleepy and lazy:  

so very sleepy at 8 am

still...can't...get...up...at 5 pm

Yet he seemed no worse for the wear. 

Ha. 

True to form, that pansy-ass stinker is just not tough enough to be an outdoor adventurer.  I thought that maybe we’d manage to skip making traumatic trip to the vet, but three days  later and a mere four hours before I was supposed to leave for a conference in Orlando, I walked into the my closet and was greeted by a very squinty and (I assume) rather uncomfortable kitty.

what?  this is how my face usually looks

One Friday afternoon emergency trip to the vet later yielded a diagnosis: an upper respiratory infection requiring antibiotic eye ointment and fancy-schmancy, immune-system boosting kitty treats.  I blame the esk-AH-pay.

Ever wondered what thirty dollar cat treats look like?

 

Voila! They have an appetizing chicken-liver flavor and appealing fish-like appearance.  I'm sure that it must be the fish-like appearance that makes them so schmancy. That and the sprinkling of essential amino acids to encourage cellular repair and health and well-being! 

So, two weeks and yet another show of amazing friendship from the amazing people in my life later(three of whom rallied like champs to get us to the vet and to give Mur his twice-daily eye ointment I was in Orlando,) we pulled through. 

At first I was tempted to say that my plea to the universe for life to get just “a little bit easier” had gone unanswered.  Then I thought about how generous people were YET AGAIN with their time and support and I remembered that good friendships trump circumstantial challenges every day of the week.   

Meredith, Andrea, Kristin and Erica…I am SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU!