Anatomy of a run

[10 AM:] Maybe if I wear my gym clothes all day I’ll be more inclined to go running….

[6 hours later:] I’m wearing gym clothes; I should go to the gym… but leave the house? Urgh. Hrmm…oooh! FIRM tape! …Damn, need weights for this thing…canned food? No. Sigh…curling 8 oz of black beans probably won’t do me much good.

Running…hrrrrm…

Fine.

I’ve got new music, it’ll be quick and then it’ll be over.

GOD DAMN it’s hot out here

Oh! Ruby Blue for warm up! I love you Roisin Murphy

One, two, three, four…. one, two, three, four…. one, two, three, four…. one, two, three, four…SHIT! Stop counting

…..

one, two, three, four…. one, two, three, four…

this is going to be a very long run if…Britney! Dum dum dum..oh! dum dum dum oh! I’m-Miss-American dream-since- I-was-17-don’t-matter-if-I-step-on-the-scene-or-slink-away-to
-the-Philippines….wow, this IS totally auto-tuned. Still don’t care.

oh, I’m doing good today…that’s where I stopped to walk last time and I’m barely breathing hard! Sweet!

Damn, now I’m out of breath…that’s what I get for being cocky, keep going, it’s harder once you’ve stopped the first time…keep going

Did I really think that this would be ‘quick?!?”

Ho…ho…holy god! Can’t breathe…must….push….to….next mailbox…. one, two, three, four…. one, two, three, four…. one, two, three, four…. one, two, three, four….MADE IT!

Wish I had pockets for my nano, I hope my sweat doesn’t short it out. That would suck. I think that happened to Matt, but Matt runs further than I do….he also sweats more. Would it stay if I stuck it in my sports bra? Nope.

I-got-that-boom-boom-POW-these-chickens-be-jackin-my-style……and we’re running again…boom-boom-POW!!! Space-ship-zoooom! Does Beyonce really since while running? That’s f-in nuts.

Ooh! Half way! I can see the street! Huff…huff…crap breathing really hard again….great , right as I get to the main road where people in their cars with think I’m a slacker. Why don’t I ever remember to reverse this so that my best performance happens on the main road?!?

Stop being a teenager, nobody driving by cares if you're running or walking. .

Yes they do, remember what you thought when you saw that oddly shaped man running the other day?

Yeah, but most people are nicer than you.

No they're not.

I know.

one, two, three, four….okay, focus. Focus Anna, FOCUS!! On what?!? On….trampolines, water (really really thirsty right now), okay not water…your butt as it shrinks??

More like undulates.

eww...okay…not that either…one, two, three, four…. one, two, three, four….

Focus on…umm…oh! Running form! Relax arms, swing gently, pretend you’re pulling hay from your pockets. ..who the hell came up with that? Seriously, who knows what it’s actually like to pull hay from your pockets…dumb….see, now you’re running well! You probably even look graceful!

La-da-da-da-da-hey-hey-goodbyeeeeeeeee! Jay-Z’s rockin’ some electric guitar…is that a saxophone?! This might be my only running song with a brass section involved…

La-da-da-da…hey-hey-goodbyeeeeee!

I bet those people smoking cigarettes in front of Kazboors are totally impressed by my running..wait?! is that me in the window?!? So much for graceful...what exactly would we call that? Galumping? Yeah, I’m definitely galumping….

mmmm…beer….

Tuuuurning….up the hill…..in the home stretch….pick up the pace…okay I’m gonna need better musica...ahhh, Pitbull!

Onetwothreefour….onetwothreefour….why do I like Spanish rap so much? I have no idea what he’s…(gasp for breath) talking about. Seriously (gasp) you know its (gasp) bad when you (gasp) can’t (gasp) think without (gasp) remembering (gasp) to breathe….

Onetwothreefour….onetwothreefour…. Onetwothreefour….onetwothreefour…. Onetwothreefour….onetwothreefour….

Gasp….gasp….gasp….why is that dog staring at me? I hope it’s (gasp) not thinking about eating me, ‘cause I can’t run away if it does….

aaaand…..FIN!!