You may have gleaned from recent posts that I have come down with yet another cold. While granted this most recent cold seems to have struck in suspiciously close proximity to the Phoenix-Funk and while it may currently seem as if I have been sick forever, prior to this I never really thought I got more colds than the average human being. I retrospect I do seem to have gravitated towards careers that cavalierly place me directly in the war path of malignant bacteria and virus': middle schools, high schools and hospitals.
So while I have always been under the assumption that I'm a reasonably healthy individual with a virile immune system I have to face certain facts.
So while I have always been under the assumption that I'm a reasonably healthy individual with a virile immune system I have to face certain facts.
Fact #1: I am the only person in my office with their own bottle of hand sanitizer goo on their desk. Not only do I have my own bottle but I find the scent of said goo oddly comforting which in turn leads to a disconcerting habit of smelling my own hands.
Fact#2: My medicine drawer at home is stocked with cold medicine, and when I say stocked, I mean I could probably treat most of my neighborhood with my arsenal. I don't know that normal people have so much stuff on hand at any given time, though in my defense, WB did have to go purchase tissues for me since those were not stockpiled.
Fact #3: significantly more than one person has asked me recently "why is it you seem to catch every funk that goes around?" Usually it's just my Mom (hi Mama!) who asks that and I've always attributed it to her more than average consternation for my health and well being.
Now, if I accept these truths to be, well, true. Then far more concerning than catching a few colds and ick, is the possibility that I am at distinct risk of becoming THAT girl.
You know this girl. While it rages against my finer feminist sensibilities, it's almost always a girl. In the event that it's not a girl, it's generally a gay guy.
With THIS girl though it's ALWAYS something. ALWAYS something. She has a headache, a cold, an ear ache, an infected toenail, menstrual cramps or a swollen lymph node. She's inexplicably nauseated by all smells, but she's can't be pregnant because she also has a badder infection and is allergic to latex. She hasn't slept in weeks thanks to a recent bout of insomnia. She has horrible stomach pains and hasn't been able to eat in over a week (except the McDonald's Sausage biscuit you saw her eat for breakfast and the empty chicken and rice container on their desk...no no, you didn't see them eat that!) She's the person you've stopped asking "how are you" because unlike most people, her Mama never taught her that that question is one that you lie to!
So I have begun to practice with myself. ("So Anna, how are you today!" "I'm doing wonderfully well!" ) Sadly, the truth of the matter is that my inner smart ass just can't stay gone and 'wonderfully well' more often than not turns into inner monologue accent practice. ("VOONDERFULY VELL, and JOoo?") After all, it's always great fun to have an array accents ready for whenever you need them to spice up those times that you're trapped in your own head.
Fact#2: My medicine drawer at home is stocked with cold medicine, and when I say stocked, I mean I could probably treat most of my neighborhood with my arsenal. I don't know that normal people have so much stuff on hand at any given time, though in my defense, WB did have to go purchase tissues for me since those were not stockpiled.
Fact #3: significantly more than one person has asked me recently "why is it you seem to catch every funk that goes around?" Usually it's just my Mom (hi Mama!) who asks that and I've always attributed it to her more than average consternation for my health and well being.
Now, if I accept these truths to be, well, true. Then far more concerning than catching a few colds and ick, is the possibility that I am at distinct risk of becoming THAT girl.
You know this girl. While it rages against my finer feminist sensibilities, it's almost always a girl. In the event that it's not a girl, it's generally a gay guy.
With THIS girl though it's ALWAYS something. ALWAYS something. She has a headache, a cold, an ear ache, an infected toenail, menstrual cramps or a swollen lymph node. She's inexplicably nauseated by all smells, but she's can't be pregnant because she also has a badder infection and is allergic to latex. She hasn't slept in weeks thanks to a recent bout of insomnia. She has horrible stomach pains and hasn't been able to eat in over a week (except the McDonald's Sausage biscuit you saw her eat for breakfast and the empty chicken and rice container on their desk...no no, you didn't see them eat that!) She's the person you've stopped asking "how are you" because unlike most people, her Mama never taught her that that question is one that you lie to!
So I have begun to practice with myself. ("So Anna, how are you today!" "I'm doing wonderfully well!" ) Sadly, the truth of the matter is that my inner smart ass just can't stay gone and 'wonderfully well' more often than not turns into inner monologue accent practice. ("VOONDERFULY VELL, and JOoo?") After all, it's always great fun to have an array accents ready for whenever you need them to spice up those times that you're trapped in your own head.
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