Oddly Opinionated Liquor Store Guy

Ever have an encounter with a relative stranger, walk away and think:”What? Did that seriously just happen?!?”

I hear of these things happening mostly from my friends with kids. As a non-parent, I’ve always operated under the assumption that there’s nothing more obnoxious than a non-parent giving parenting advice. On the obnoxiousness scale it probably falls only slightly above a parent giving another parent unsolicited parenting advice, but none the less it is above it. So, in the endeavor of not being obnoxious or offensive in general, I have placed giving parenting advice on my list of things to not do without a significant arsenal as backup. Oddly, but probably not surprisingly, there are a number of individuals who do not share this philosophy and feel entitled to comment, intervene or otherwise involve themselves in others’ parent-child interactions. There is the random stranger in the store who stops and stares disapprovingly at the parent who just gave their kids butt a whack for running away in the store/parking lot etc. (The best response to this stop-and-stare judgment came from my friend Christina: “what? You want some too?”) Then there’s the unnecessarily helpful stranger playing Capt. Obvious. Example: “excuse me, did you know that there’s no child in that stroller?” A well-intended albeit probably needless comment, though the humorous response from the person pushing the stroller (“Yes, I left her here last night and am now coming to pick her up”) was not well received. If you’re going to ask a borderline stupid question, you need to be prepared for a borderline stupid response. While often well intentioned – it’s just odd the degree of involvement that some people tend to feel is appropriate in the lives and actions of complete strangers. This brings me to my point: Oddly Opinionated Liquor Store Guy.

There is a liquor store directly across the street from my apartment. It is slightly over-priced but convenient (walking distance) and endeavoring to be quaint by adding a P and an E to its sign (making it a Shoppe instead of a Shop.) The selection, while not excellent is decent, there’s an odd medicinal smell that makes you think that bottles of liquor are broken regularly and there’s always the same guy behind the counter, a reasonably innocuous looking Indian gentleman in his late 30s, early 40s. Every time I go into the store he has an odd, sometimes not very nice comment to make. The first time I went in, he refuted that it was actually my ID based on the height noted on my driver’s license. (I had on high heels – thus apparently making me unacceptably taller than my form ID claimed I was.) The second time I went in I was all dressed up for a Bachelorette Party and Oddly Opinionated Liquor Store Guy felt compelled to tell me that I was wearing too much make-up. The next time, my wine choice was disgusting. The time after that, no guy would date me if I drank beer. WTF mate! Every time I leave the store thinking…”what?!? Seriously?!?!” I just wanted the alcohol!

I wish – oh how I wish that I were quick enough on my feet to come back with a zinger. Something oh so clever and zippy that would end the commentary. Sadly all I can come up with is something not so quippy like, “mind your own business and give me my vodka fuck-face.” It’s not a very good come back – so I simply smile politely, grab my bottle of whatever and make for the door.