So I didn't just write this - it's a copy and paste job from my (soon to be no longer) mySpace page. I'm kinda proud of it despite its sardonic tone...so I include it here before ex-naying my mySpace page.
I've been emailing with a friend from college for the past 6 years, ever since we no longer lived within shouting distance of each other really. Below are the conclusions reached from this ongoing conversation...nothing too provocative but really, I find it amusing and since this is my blog, I get to post it!
1. If you cannot find a babysitter and its not family friendly, stay home! I understand that having a child does not negate your need to have contact with other adults, but having little Montana and Blaze scream while kicking the back of my seat as they reel in horror at the 10 pm showing of Rambo is not only inconsiderate but bad for you children. You wanted kids, so suck it up, walk it off and go to Blockbuster.
2. If a man starts a conversation with "I don't want to hurt your feelings..." your feelings are about to get hurt. Its the kind of intro thats never followed by "you're too thin...eat some more lasagna while I get you a brownie." Women catch a lot of shit for the ever famous "we need to talk." This is the male equivilant.
3. Your outgoing message should say no more than who you are, possibly another means of contacting you (and if so, you should contemplate who would warrent your immediate attention without already having access to alternative contact information. Maybe you think you're more important than you are.) and that you will call them back. Any more than that is cruel and unusual. Save your new fave quote for your e-mail signature.
4. For those of you who still expect airline travel to be convenient and comfortable, let me offer a few words of advice. First, yelling at the counter lady will not help, it will not make the plane sprout an extra seat and it will not get you home faster. Second, leaning your seat back in coach is mean, especially if the person behind if you over 5 foot 3. And finally, you may never have encountered babies before but it turns out that giving a 4 month old the stink eye for crying at take off doesn't actually accomplish anyting. Have a little compassion. Get some earplugs. It'll all be over soon.
5. If you look good in a speedo, you will look even better any virtually any other kind of swimsuit.
6. I am not a cynic nor am I a pessimist (though my friend is both.) In actuality I am a bleeding heart who actually thinks that she might be able to change the world someday. But to all you pessimistic cynics out there, if there is ever a time to slam your crankiness into submission, its ever fourth year when there's an election: read up on the issues and cast your damn ballot. You must VOTE. I don't care who you vote for (well...thats not true, but we can pretend for a moment) but if you want to be heard, you have to talk.
7. To quote Elmer Fudd, "Be bwave widdoe wabbit." Take some chances, wear that great dress, wear your heart on your sleeve, ask someone to dance, say what you want and demand what you deserve. There's a good shot that you might not get the things you ask for but face it, if you don't try, you still won't have it. Note: only attempt the dance invitation if there's actual music playing.
8. Calling your friend to tell them that you are running late does not excuse the fact that you are constantly late. Figure out how long it takes you get ready and plan accordingly, respect other poeple's time.
9. Words Matter. Stop sugar coating reality, political correctness has its place and time but when starts to obscure the truth its usefulness has been outlived. Eating disordered means sick. Spousal abuse means wife beating. Enhanced Interrogation means torture. And for the record: the term enhanced interrogation was not first used by Jack Bauer on 24 and it wasn't coined by the Bush administration. That little piece of persuasive advertising / propoganda came from the Gestapo under the leadership of Adolf Hitler in 1937.
10. Recycle: I like my bottles of water and its like pulling teeth to remember to bring re-usable grocery bags. But honestly people -- Al Gore's gonna come get you soon.
11. Don't let work take over your life. Getting through life can be really heard and making ends meet can sometimes feel impossible. So, (my simultanious apologies and thanks to the University of Florida for NEVER paying overtime and Stonewood for teaching me this) get off your computer, turn off your crack-berry, go home and remember what it is to eat dinner, read a book, engage in a conversation or have some really good sex. (in whatever order you wish! :) )
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